Written on 11 August 2019
On 9 August 2019, South Africa celebrated Women's day. It was a public holiday which added an extra day to the weekend, so I visited my family in Durban. I feel well balanced, centered. Grounded, but flexible like a lotus flower with strong roots held in the water. I have my last 14 days in Cape Town, unsure when I will return. My heart is heavy. Filled with deep sadness. And cheeks wet with tears. Grieving the emotional attachment to the newly loved friends, my tribe, my people! This is the first time that I made so many strong connections, family by love, and not blood.
Each morning as I rode the escalator to the 4th floor at my workplace, I was greeted through the massive expansion of glass by Table Mountain. I admired the beauty of the mountain as if I viewed it for the first time. Her magnificence instantly grounded me. With easy access to meditation, yoga, energy healing, nature, hiking, and tastings of my soul food, wine from an extensive list of farms, spoiling me with choice…I will miss this lifestyle. Cape Town is indeed the most beautiful city in the world- mountain and sea that permeates one with nature in city life.
The Mother City of South Africa and birthplace of the authentic me, Cape Town, I say Goodbye, Hamba Kahle, Alvida, Laters! The place where my heart chakra cracked open to experience true love and joy. The place where I found my higher self again will forever hold a special place in my heart. On an intellectual level, I know that nothing is permanent, Cape Town was a footprint on my path, but I am sad. I chose to feel it instead of ignoring it. It helps me to express myself through words- written or spoken. This is my healing process. Even though I have a great adventure filled with love and joy ahead, a new life getting me closer to living in my truth, I could not avoid the deep sadness in my heart.
It is official! It's done! I resigned from my career. That's right, not just my job, but my career in financial services. This was not a decision made. It was action from a sense of knowingness. A direct channeled connection between my human physical manifestation and higher self. So, you are probably thinking, is she crazy? Why? So, let's have no miscommunication here, just to be clear. I enjoyed my job, my career too. I liked it, I enjoyed the people I worked with. In fact, this was the happiest work environment's that I ever worked in. There were a few days that I did dread to go to work. On those days, I was ill or exhausted, or I was interested only in writing or yoga or meditation. I enjoyed the profession because of the pleasant work environment too, the people and culture of TFG (The Foschini Group) that resonated strongly with me, but not enough to fill the deep-seated whole in my heart. A gap, a void!
Written on 27 August 2019
The friendship kindled will forever hold a special place in my heart. As my goodbyes began, I realised that this is just the beginning of many goodbyes to fabulous people I will meet on my journey. In the past week, I realized how loved I am by my friends who came together to help me tick off items as done on my to-do list including packing my belongings and lending me their car to visit Hermanus. My friends, my Cape Town family, I LOVE you! As I boarded the plane, a bolt of sadness of leaving loved ones mixed with the excitement of my future struck me with a flood of tears. Uncontrollable sobs! When I took my seat, relief overcame me, relief from the hectic week that passed and tiredness crept in. I felt as if I could have slept for days.
I experienced much anxiety, busy days, and restlessness in the past week. Added to it were emotions of immense sadness that haunted me, surfacing from a traditional mushroom psychedelic ceremony for healing. Yes, I do plant medicine!
Psychedelic retreats and therapy are growing all over the world. The growing popularity is attributed to its healing effects caused by activating the frontal lobe of the brain giving greater insight into the sub and unconscious mind, increasing the connection to one's higher self and elevating meditative experiences. Well, this was my experience. Plant medicine is powerful and requires one's full respect, particularly for the user. Mushrooms in a sacred ceremony showed me the truth that I had concealed to protect myself.
Finally, I admitted to myself that I was missing my love, a person that I care immensely for. A person that managed to creep into my heart when my heart chakra cracked opened, giving me the opportunity of many lifetimes- to experience true pure love. A love that cannot be explained but experienced on a soul level. It was unknown to me, but yet when I am with this person, it feels like "home." I was sad. I was grieving. My ego protected me from the fear of rejection. Grieving the loss dreams of what could have been! And sincerely missing my love with all my heart that it caused physical pain in my heart. I sat in meditation with it daily (set the intention to let go of the attachment and heal), worked on gratitude (counted my blessings one by one) and how happy this person makes me (purged happy thoughts)- this assisted to shift sadness into happiness in that moment raising my vibration and creating my future from the present moment of joy. I listened to music that made me smile (yeah, mainly love songs!. I call this high vibrational music. Daily, I microdose on San Pedro (yes, plant medicine again) and focused on feeling the sensations in my body by consciously bringing awareness to myself. And suddenly, just like how one washes their face clean, the fear, the sadness, the anxiety for both my love, venturing into the unknown, departing from friends and family just dissipated…washed clean off me by the end of the week! I cut the energetic cord of fear of failure in my solar plexus chakra. It is replaced with a feeling of confidence, success, and the authority of my life. All in its divine timing.
Another contributor to my anxiety was me not having all my work Visa requirements in order. I was angry with myself. Hard on myself for not being better prepared. I realized that there is only so much I can do in a day. Last Thursday, I made a list of all the things that I had accomplished in this year (I was super impressed with myself, and I do not arrogantly mean this- I did a lot for me, particularly in the self-care and healing area), which created gratitude and appreciation (again, I counted my blessings of being me) for myself. I did a lot of fun stuff too. I always reminded myself to enjoy the journey moment to moment.
I have consciously set the intention of living a mission orientated life- shifted from stagnation into a flow. A life where I experience love in all that I do and the people I meet. A life where I can play by my rules, not the ones dictated by society or generations of family and societal beliefs. A life where I choose to live life in freedom and excitement. A life that is followed by the heart.
"Life isn't happening to me, life is happening from me. I've emanated the signal to which all life is responding, so when I get up in the mornings, I decide how's this day is going to feel. I am going to feel intuitive. I am going to feel inspired, and I am going to feel connected. And I am going to feel vital and alive, and I am going to feel happy. I am going to feel confident, and I am going to feel kind and loving. I am going to be at the top of my game. I am going to feel innovated. I am going to feel invigorated. I am going to feel inspired but inspired moment by moment, guided, worthy. I am going to feel deserving, deserving of all of the goodness that has been thought to me all of my life. And I am going to demonstrate my worthiness through all of my happiness " Ester Hicks.
This is my turning point. I am guided by a higher divine power, the universe will always serve me abundantly. So, I choose to live in my truth, speak my truth, and share it to inspire others to follow in their authenticity…You are responsible for you. Dare to live your truth! Be a Manifestar.
The Wayshower
Gits Singh
©2019 Gits Singh
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