Feeling Lonely?

We have all felt loneliness at some point in our lives. I know, I have! In fact, not just once or twice but on many many occasions.

Loneliness is an emotional state. This is a state where one experiences a disconnection from people around them as well as a deep feeling of emptiness, which renders their present company around them meaningless.

These are some of the common symptoms’ of loneliness:

· You think your problems are so unique that other people do not understand.

· As a result, you feel that other people in the world have friends and you don't.

· You feel incredibly self-conscious in everything you do.

· You feel that when you do something wrong, you get extremely embarrassed.

· When you are in a crowd, you feel drowned by their voices.

· You feel disconnected with the crowd even though you are with them.

· Feeling shy and scared of others.

· Experiencing low self-esteem.

· Afraid of strangers and refuse to talk to engage in a hearty conversation.

· Being convinced there is something wrong with you.

· Feeling anxious and sad, believing no one knows how miserable/isolated you feel.

· Losing your capacity to be assertive' feeling "invisible".

· Feeling as though nothing else matters and contemplating suicide.

I have realised that there are 3 types of loneliness:

1. Physical isolation from people;

2. when I am surrounded by people but still feel very alone; and

3. when ascending (increasing in frequency), particularly while doing the dark shadow of the soul work.

I am very much a people’s person, but I do spend much of my time alone. This is by choice. There are both long and short periods where I go into hermit phase to reflect and recharge. It is about shifting and transcending into a higher version of myself. I spend time writing, reading, meditating, taking long walks, colouring, listening to music and occasionally binge watch Netflix. Sometimes, I do it for many weeks or days or a few hours. I found that this is where my healing and growth happens. I call this my magic moments. It is the Aha moments when I recognise the puzzle pieces fitting together, and synchronicity occurs. I believe that we all need time to go deep within to reflect and think. But, there is a difference between intuitive reflection which to me means observing my past consciously and giving myself time to think. Reflection is not obsessive thinking of the past. Yes, at times, my mind (ego) does play memories in a loop, but this is not reflection, this usually stems from self-criticism of not being enough.

Each person may have their own way of reflecting. I reflect through writing mainly, and at times things surface in meditation or through specific interactions when I feel triggered. Part of this downtime process includes very little time on social media and phone contact. I do suggest that if you are a person who is always surrounded by others to take some time for being with yourself, even if you begin with just ten minutes per day. You owe yourself time alone. This is part of self-care. If you are unsure what to do during this time, then maybe try different things for a week at a time until you figure out what works for you.

Most of my travel trips have been solo travel. As I explore new countries and places, I explore myself too- I found that I have learned many things about myself from travelling alone. I feel that I am a person who is comfortable with myself. And yes, I do enjoy experiencing new cuisines by having lunches and dinners alone. I am fully mindful of each bite of food, tasting the gastronomical burst of flavours while immersing myself into the cultural atmospheres. Also, when I am alone is when I meet many people from different backgrounds- contact with strangers are more accessible. I have met so many interesting people, learned about new cultures and of course, made new close friends from other continents-I don't just mean colleagues, but I have meaningful, authentic relationships with them.

Many people feel lonely due to a lack of socialising. If you are one of those people, then I do suggest the following:

· Always remind yourself that the feeling of loneliness is TEMPORARY and you will get over it in time.

· Make an effort to talk to someone NEW. I know it is hard, but you must develop momentum, and the first step is usually the hardest but most necessary.

· Put yourself in new situations where you will meet people. Engage in activities in which you have a genuine interest. Meet with people of similar interest. Join societies like church groups, meetups and others.

· STOP listening to lonely songs.

· OPEN yourself to others first. Don’t expect people to share their problems with a closed person.

· Don't judge new people based on past relationships. Try to see each person you meet from a new perspective.

· Have a new perspective- spending time alone will help you examine yourself more closely.

· Cultivate an attitude of gratitude- reflect back on good memories and count your blessings.

· Learn a new skill. Success in achieving something will make you feel good about yourself.

· If you have long term depression, it is not wrong to seek MEDICAL advice.

· See a counsellor and talk in privacy.

· Spend time in prayer or meditation. Ask your God or angels or family of light for assistance.

Please note that this post is not professional advice, I am writing about my personal experiences and observations.

We live in an age where we are connected via technology. I am incredibly grateful for this, particularly during the pandemic lockdown. There were many instances where I found comfort in a video or phone call. On social media, we see mainly posts of good times and people at their best, which can cause one to question the loneliness because we compare ourselves. There needs to be a balance between technological use and actually living. To me, social media keeps me in contact with people that are dear to me, but there is no regular contact, however, when we do meet for an occasional face to face catch up, it feels as if I never lost touch with that person. Also, there are many support groups and influencers that add value to my life.

I learned that being around people does not mean one cannot be lonely. I was married, have parents, brother, sister, nephews and close friends but have felt trapped at the bottom of a deep dark endless pit. I have felt every gripping moment of it. The long, long hours which seems like days, the lonely nights where I wept in silence, drenching my pillow salty with tears, the lack of desire to face the next day and the thought of wanting to end it all! This is not because of others but because of me. The loneliness emerged because I felt misunderstood or not sharing because I thought that no one will understand me. You see, I chose not to share my feelings, because it meant I had to be vulnerable, which could have caused others to judge me. The irony is that to shift out of this lonely space is to be vulnerable. I choose who to be vulnerable with. To me, that person is someone that can listen to me (hold space) without criticising me or using it against me in the future. A person to whom I can speak openly at my worst and cry if need be. It is about accepting my shadow self. Being brave enough to explore the darkness. It is sharing from the heart. This is where I discover my true self and rise from the ashes like a phoenix. You see, this process assists me in making decisions from my truth and not my fears.

The most significant teaching of loneliness was that it is okay to be with me. I go deep within to draw my strength. When I come out of it, I realise how strong I am and that I am enough to be with myself…self-love is growing.

I am ending this post with a quote by Brene Brown, which strongly resonates with me:

“Belonging so fully to yourself that you're willing to stand alone is a wilderness -- an untamed, unpredictable place of solitude and searching. It is a place as dangerous as it is breathtaking, a place as sought after as it is feared. The wilderness can often feel unholy because we can't control it, or what people think about our choice of whether to venture into that vastness or not. But it turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it's the bravest and most sacred place you will ever stand.”

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I hope it assisted you. Please note that this is not professional advice, but a sharing of my personal experience with loneliness.

You are responsible for you. Dare to live your truth! Be a Manifestar.

Much Love

The Wayshower,

Gits Singh

©2019 Gits Singh